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When Beth Pinsker’s mother became too ill to manage her own finances, she and her brother stepped in to pay bills and monitor accounts on her behalf.
As a financial journalist and certified financial planner (CFP), Pinsker figured she was well-prepared for the task. It turned out to be much more complicated than she anticipated.
Her subsequent book, “My Mother’s Money: A Guide to Financial Caregiving,” documents her challenge and shares advice for others. It’s NerdWallet’s winter Book Club pick.
“You hit a certain age in life and you become a caregiver, and nobody prepares you for it,” Pinsker says. Taking over the entire financial existence of another human being is complicated and time-consuming, she adds, and many of us will probably need to do it at some point.
In 2024, a NerdWallet survey found that more than half of Americans (55%) either were currently or planned to assist their parents financially, whether that meant paying for things, managing their money, or both.
Here are five lessons from Pinsker’s book.
Be mentally prepared to help aging parents or other close relatives
“It’s 100% going to happen to you,” Pinsker says, referring to financial caregiving. You might be the caregiver to a parent or you might need financial caregiving. “Nobody escapes this. It’s a freight train coming for everybody.”
While we can’t avoid it, we can prepare for it by making room in our lives to take on the task when necessary.
“This is not a task you can hire out. This financial stuff gets done by the next closest family member,” Pinsker says.
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Ask your parents about their finances before you need to help them
Starting these less-than-comfortable conversations early is important, Pinsker says. Ask aging parents if they have estate planning documents in place, and take time to understand their financial wishes and end-of-life care preferences.
When you know what your parents want, you don’t have to guess under time pressure when you’re suddenly being asked for answers at the hospital, she adds.
Check if you can gain access to your parent’s phone and computer
“If you do not have access to a person’s phone, you have a problem,” Pinsker says. You’ll likely need it to be able to manage many of their accounts and any important digital assets after they die.
In addition, you should know how to access their passwords for important accounts, she says.
Many companies such as Apple, Google and Facebook allow users to set up a legacy contact — an approved person who can take over a person’s accounts after they die. Helping your parents set that up can make it easier for you to gain access when needed.
Make time to follow up on paperwork
Pinsker had to file her mom’s tax returns with the IRS and contact the Social Security Administration because her mom’s final check never arrived after she died. “I had never heard of that happening. It’s not something that comes up until it happens to you,” she says.
Knowing her mom would have wanted the money she was owed, Pinsker tracked down that last check, which turned out to be harder than it sounds. “I’m a CFP, and I could not fill out that form or find the correct mailing address,” she says.
After an extended online search, Pinsker completed the form and found a working address. Three months later, the final check arrived.
Give yourself grace
Managing the finances of an ailing parent or wrapping up their accounts after death can be emotionally and mentally draining. It’s easy to make mistakes along the way or second-guess decisions.
“Have compassion for yourself and compassion for your loved ones,” Pinsker says. Talking to them in advance can go a long way toward easing the process, but it’s still hard.
One silver lining? The experience might inspire you to talk to your own kids about your preferences sooner, so they’re more prepared to help when and if you need them to.
How to enter NerdWallet’s Book Club giveaway
NerdWallet is giving away a copy of the book. Learn more about how to enter.
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